Love is such a beautiful thing. There’s really nothing like it. No high or drug (except apparently cocaine according to modern science) that can compare to it. It’s such a rush to look at some and think “wow… I am so lucky”.
I remember what it’s like to be in love. To have that time where you thought you had everything figured out and even if you didn’t, it was okay because they were there. It’s safe being in love, it’s warm and comfortable and feels like a dream, but it’s also the most dangerous thing. Love makes us do the craziest stuff. It can make the most sane person want to be committed and the nicest person mean.
So why do I crave something that is so terrifying?
I believe that eventually I’ll find what I’m looking for, it just won’t happen right now. It especially won’t happen in this town. It’s filled with nothing but exes, immature strangers that are only concerned with getting the hottest piece of ass in the bar and people who have no appreciation for me as a person. Looking for love, real love, in a college town is near to impossible… especially for someone who’s on their way out.
Being alone isn’t intolerable. To be honest, I’m doing just fine. I don’t cry myself to sleep at night cuddling my pillow because I want a boyfriend… that’s not me. It’s not hard for me to sit down at a restaurant by myself because all of my friends are busy, it’s not hard for me to move my own furniture or make decisions on what to buy or eat. Hell, I even enjoy it sometimes. It’s nice to just have “me space” and time to myself to reflect and unwind without the concern for other people.. but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want someone to love.
I believe that I’m ready for it. I’m finally getting myself into a place of happiness and fulfillment and I know I don’t NEED someone, I just want someone. I miss having that person around to look at and think about how lucky I am, and knowing that when they look at me, they’re thinking the same thing. I miss having those minor heated discussions on stupid things like which restaurant we’re going to dinner at or which movie we’re going to go see. I miss having someone look at me in my true form, silly me that sings around the house and is messy and cries when she’s PMS’ing over something cute my cats do, and smiles because they think it’s funny.
I miss that feeling of being needed and wanted. I find myself coming back to so many memories from times that I took love for granted and I kick myself. I wasn’t ready for love. Hell, until I ruined and gave up on love entirely, I wasn’t ready to rebuild and re-evaluate the idea of what it means to truly love and be loved by someone. I took so many things for granted before, always looking for the next best thing and for that I’ve learned to look at what I’ve got with stationary vision. I’ve been taken advantage of too… I’ve given love to those that didn’t deserve it. I’ve had my kindness mistaken for weakness and for that I’ve learned what to expect from both myself and from others in a good, healthy relationship.
I know that this seems like a silly blog post, it probably is, but I guess the point that I’m trying to make is that I’m ready for the next chapter of my life. I know that whoever is supposed to be my +1 is out there, and that I’m ready to meet them.
This song perfectly describes it…. please make it to me 🙂